Re-think Where You Spend Your Money- Part two

In my last post I talked about how you should shop local, small businesses this holiday season and year round. In this post I'm going to be talking about a few different ways to shop for friends and family that you may not have ever thought about. 

I love shopping on Etsy! For those that don't know what Etsy is, it is a website that basically serves as a network of online, small businesses. But, these small businesses all offer hand made or vintage items; everything from soap, candles, and jewelry to children's toys, stationery, and furniture. This is a fabulous way to shop small businesses if you don't have any in your area or prefer to do your shopping online. I really can't say enough great things about this site! Right now they have a whole gift giving section that is broken down into sections so you can easily find great gifts for everyone on your list. As an added bonus you can even narrow your search down to businesses located in your city or state. How awesome is that?! I bought a ton of artwork for Harrison's nursery from artisans on Etsy, and I am going to be buying him and his Daddy some Christmas presents from there as well. Here are some shops I love;

• 2 Hearts Desire: They sell hand-crafted wood items including children's toys.
• Sapling Naturals: Hand made soaps are their specialty. They have something I just discovered called felted soaps. Basically its a bar of soap with felt around it which acts in the place of a wash cloth and helps keep the soap from slipping out of your hands. Genius!
• Pockets of Art: Jewelry and children's toys
• US Wood Toys: They sell hand-stitched underwear. Just kidding they sell wood toys.
• Mama May I: Handmade learning toys, specializing in Montesorri style, open-ended toys. 
• Manzanita Kids: Simple wooden puzzles, stackers, teethers, building blocks, etc... 
• Monkeys Always Look: Unique hand-stamped rings. This store is a must for new moms on your list! They have pretty rings that your child's name can be stamped on. 
• Pop Heart Press: Educational art; flashcards, alphabet posters, etc... I have a couple things from them in Harrison's nursery. Their customer service is top-notch. The idiotic post office bent by alphabet poster even though it was in a sturdy mailer with "DO NOT BEND" stamped all over it. And Pop Heart Press replaced it promptly with no questions asked. 
• Paisley Dog Press: Letterpress stationery, gift tags, and wedding invitations. They have really cute Christmas cards! Added bonus: they are located in Reading, Pa!

I have always been the type of person that is willing to help others, and after returning from 5 weeks volunteering in Kenya this  took on a whole new meaning. Finding ways to help others has become a sort of passion of mine over the past few months, and it has extended into gift-giving in the form of supporting charities. Of course you can support your favorite charity by volunteering or writing a check. But a lot of charities also sell products in order to raise money, and this can be a great gift-giving opportunity. Why not give a gift that will put a smile on your loved-one's face while at the same time supporting a great cause? When finding charities to support, Google is your friend. Love the environment? Cool! Google "environmental charities" and see what pops up. Obviously, do your research to make sure they are a reputable, legit charity. Too lazy to Google? That's ok- I have two wonderful, deserving charities that you can support

• Kintendo Children's Charity (KCC): This is an amazing organization located in Kenya, and was started by Marcus, a person I met while in Kenya last summer. Marcus is an amazing individual who is devoting his time to KCC. He has helped start a school and is in the process of building dormitories for the students so that they no longer have to live in the slum that is located down the road from the school. Seriously, he is doing amazing things and deserves your support!
  
  The store sells various items including t-shirts and jewelry. Everything is made in Kenya and supports the school, feeding program, and women's group. Marcus has everything outlined under each product so you know exactly what percentage of your purchase is going to which part of the charity. The jewelry is gorgeous and is made from recycled magazines. It is made by a handful of women who have started a women's group as a means to lift themselves from poverty. I have one of their necklaces and literally every time I wear it I get multiple compliments from friends and strangers alike. This organization is close to my heart, and I can not say enough great things about it! You can find out more about Marcus, the organization, the school, and see how the dorms are coming along on his blog.
• Punjammies: These are gorgeous hand-sewn pajama pants, shorts, and t-shirts that are made in India by women rescued from human trafficking. The women seek refuge with the organization, are given counseling, and then when they are ready are trained to sew the items. This is not a sweat shop-type situation; the women are treated with respect and receive good wages. This is a way for them to learn a marketable skill and help lift themselves from poverty while at the same time healing from their harrowing experience in the sex trade. More can be learned about their parent organization; The Princess Project, here. 
• Live Worldly: Ok, technically this isn't a charity. BUT, when you buy something a portion of the profits goes directly back to the product's country of origin where it is put to good use through local non-profits. A couple years ago I stumbled upon this website and they only sold a few things including brazilets; which are bracelets from Brazil. It is said that if you wrap the bracelet around your wrist, tie it in a knot three times, and make a wish with each knot that the wishes will come true when the bracelet falls off. A portion of the proceeds benefits a a charity dedicated to saving the rain forest. I love these bracelets and when I discovered them I promptly bought one for myself and some friends (they make amazing stocking stuffers, by the way!). The company has grown immensely, and brazilets are now just one example of the hundreds of fashion-forward things they sell. 

Lastly, if there is an art-lover on your list you should consider supporting local artists and art galleries. Artwork is also a great gift for someone who just bought a home, I can't think of a better gift then something they can hang up on their new, empty walls! If you live in the Reading, Pa area the Goggle Works is an amazing place to go to find local artists. There are several exhibitions going on at any given time, and there is always something amazing to look at. Normally, all of the artwork is for sale, although, it can be a bit pricey. For more affordable gifts you can visit their store to find art prints, photographs, art books, jewelry, vases, etc... There is even a really cool kids' section with unique, fun gifts for little ones. If you have a creative person on your list, there are classes available in several different mediums as well. I love wandering around the galleries and store inside the Goggle Works- there is always something new to see! Be sure to check out their calendar of events. Often, the artists offer glass blowing and pottery demonstrations. What better way to warm up on these cold winter days than by sipping a cup of coffee from the cafe while walking around appreciating great art?

So, there you have it! Please consider who you are supporting and where your money is going before buying something for your loved ones this year. You're going to be buying presents anyway. Why not support great causes, people, and small businesses in the process?

Peace, love, & happy shopping!

Re-think Where You Spend Your Money- Part One

Now that the Christmas holiday season is officially upon us I think it is important for everyone to take a moment amd really think about where they want to spend their money. Personally, I avoid shopping at big box stores as much as possible. Frankly, I have been boycotting Wal-Mart for years now. I don't agree with their business practices (among other things) and have decided to exercise my right not to shop there. There are other places out there, people! Trust me! In the interest of full disclosure, I am a tad too addicted to Target. I know, I know they are a big box store. But, I do keep my purchases to a minimum, and if I could find quality, affordable baby clothes at a small business I would be shopping at Target a lot less. 

This year, I have made it a priority to do the vast majority of my Christmas shopping at local and small businesses. Why do I think this is so important? Here are a few reasons;

• According to this article; "80% of jobs created in this country are created by small businesses".  

• More money spent in small businesses actually contributes to the local economy. An article I read stated that when you spend "$1 locally, that money actually represents $5 to the local economy". When you shop at a big box store a lot of that money is supporting economies in other countries like China, India, and Mexico. It's a ripple effect (or is a affect- I could never keep those straight)- you spend money at a local business, the local employee gets paid, and spends their money locally, etc...
• Shopping local is more fun! Ok, this is an opinion, but I think it's true. :) You usually get better, more personal service and if you patronize a business enough you'll become a regular. Who doesn't like being greeted by the store owner when they enter a store?

Since I only live a few minutes from West Reading, most of my shopping will be done there. I love walking around Penn Avenue and wandering in and out of the shops. Everyone is incredibly welcoming- it's great! Anyone living within a 20 mile radius should  totally check out what West Reading has to offer. If you aren't familiar with the area, a lot more can be learned here. I'm going to give a shout out to some of my favorite local places. I love the following spots because the people that work there are great and their products are awesome. So, if you're from the Reading area be sure to check out;

• Hello Bluebird: If you're into the whole Etsy scene you must check this place out! If you're all like "Wtf is Etsy?" you should still check this place out! They offer an amazing selection of jewelry, artwork, clothing, candles, handbags, cards, and various other home goods and baby/kid items. Everything is made by small business owners. If there is a woman or child on your gift list this year you need to head there pronto! 
• Haute Chocolate: If you are a chocolate lover or love a chocolate lover then you must. Go. There. They offer a wide array of freshly baked goodies (Mmm! The salty caramel cupcake is to die for!), locally made, delicious truffles, fair-trade sourced chocolate bars, and incredible coffee drinks and milkshakes. 
• Curious Consignment Company: A lovely mix of old and new things can be found here- everything from vintage cameras and estate jewelry to paintings, vases and furniture. Every time I visit there is something new to look at. Don't forget to check out the lower level as well as the building out back. They also have a lovely garden that always reminds me of the book The Secret Garden. It truly is a unique spot.
• The Wise Owl Bookstore: This is a relatively new store on the avenue. They sell mostly used books, but there is a good selection. Plus, they have a special kids room. It is a cozy place to spend some time.

Let's not forget about restaurants! Some local faves are;

• Good eatz- featuring fresh, organic food. They have a lot of vegan, vegetarian, and gluten-free options, too! 
• Aladdin Mediterranean Restaurant- Incredibly yummy gyros, kebabs, falafel, etc... This place is a must-go!
• West Reading Tavern- Charming place with great burgers!
• The Peanut Bar- Great atmosphere, people, and food! What more could you ask for?
• Say Cheese!- West Reading's newest restaurant. I have not been yet, but am dying to go! Large selection of fresh cheeses as well as a full, delicious-looking menu. 
• Go Fish!- Delicious fresh seafood and sushi.
• Cafe Harmony- Amazing place for breakfast or lunch!

Maybe you're reading this and thinking, "that's great, Ashley, but I don't live in or around Reading. How can I find small businesses that are close to me?". Well, I'm glad you asked! My suggestion would be to Google (or Bing if that's your thing) it! I just Googled "small businesses in Kansas" and found a great directory of small businesses. If they're in Kansas, they're in your state, too. :) Also, for restaurants check out dineindie.com. My husband and I frequent that site when we are looking for new places to eat. 

Please remember, a lot of local/small businesses are struggling. A lot of us (including me) get sucked into these big box stores because of the huge selection and the ability to shop for everything all in one place. What I have come to realize that is, if I can afford it, I'd rather spend a little more money at a local place and get the satisfaction of knowing that I am directly contributing to the local economy. Plus, you almost always get a superior product, better customer service, or both! I encourage you to give shopping local/small a try this year- and not just during the holiday season.

                             

                                   

The Most Beautiful Thing I Have Ever Seen

Today my parents hosted an Ashcroft/Hoover picnic. The Ashcrofts are my paternal grandmother's family, and we haven't seen them in a long time. My grandmother has Alzheimers, needs 24/7 care, and is remembering less and less every day. Her only sibling, my great-uncle Al, has Parkinsons and is lucky enough to be cared for by is wife of sixty-two years, Et. One is losing their mind, the other their body. It is so incredibly sad to watch. This get together was looked at as a chance to get my grandmother out of her assisted living apartment and give her a chance to socialize with her brother (one of the only people she still truly remembers/recognizes) and his family.

My parents arranged for my grandmother and her aid to be transported to their house, and they went to great lengths to makes sure that she was comfortable. Everyone gathered around her and she lit up with excitement each time she saw a member of the family. She adores babies and especially loved seeing Harrison and her great-nephew, 11 month old Devin. A couple hours into the party she started to get more disoriented, stressed, and angry. It was time for her to go. My mom and I brought Harrison over to calm her down, and soon the transportation service was there to pick her up. Et came in the room to tell her that her brother wanted to say good bye. The aid wheeled her over to the doorway that leads out to the deck where Al was seated. Al got up and used his walker to make his way over to her. 

And then it happened, the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. Al leaned in the doorway and bent down to give his sister a kiss good-bye. After the kiss he looked at her and said "the most beautiful girl in the place". My heart just about melted at the sight of these 80-something siblings who have been through so much together. Their bond is amazing. 

It was refreshing to see something so full of grace and love. I was reminded that their generation truly is the greatest generation. Their generation values family, love, friendship, God, respect, and their country. It seems too many members of my generation value; appearance, money, fame, power. What a shame. I think we all can learn something from the greatest generation. 

Cloth Diapering Part Dos- What we use and how we do it

Now that I posted about why we chose to use cloth diapers with Harrison (and all subsequent babies) it's time to outline the different kinds, how easy it is, and what you need to get started. There are several different styles of cloth diapers including; all-in-ones, pockets, fitteds, pre-folds and covers, and one size. And, there are a few different types of closures; aplix, snaps, and pins/snappis as well as a few different types of inserts. I'll do my best to explain each of them.

First I want to make a disclaimer of sorts and say that each baby is different. And while some people love one type or brand others hate that type. Each type and brand has its followers and each are good in their own way. In my opinion, there is no "bad" diaper. It's just that some people prefer one while a different person prefers another. What works for me might not work for you.

All-in-ones (AIOs) are water-proof diapers where the inserts are sewn in, and there is no stuffing required unless you want to add extra inserts for more absorbency. They are convenient since there is no stuffing, but there is a higher price for such convenience and they take longer to dry. Here is a good video about AIOs. It only talks about one brand, and some may be slightly different. But, it's a good overview.

Pockets are water-proof diapers that have a pocket where an insert is stuffed inside and then taken out before it is washed. They tend to be a little cheaper than AIOs, but some people (men ;) ) don't like that you have to stuff and unstuff them. They are very customizable because you can add any combination of inserts to fit your needs. Here is a video of how to pockets work.

Pre-folds and covers are what many think of as "old-fashioned" diapers. They are white pieces of cloth that you either lay flat and fold around your baby's bum and fasten with a snappi or diaper pin or you can tri-fold them and place them in a water-proof cover. If you use a snappi or diaper pin you need to put a water-proof cover over top. People love these because they are the cheapest cloth diapering option, but other people don't like them because they aren't as convenient as AIOs or pockets. Here is a video about how to use pre-folds with and without a snappi.

Fitteds are sized (think small, medium, large, etc...) diapers; some are water-proof, others aren't. Some people love these because they tend to fit babies sooner than one size diapers and you can often achieve a better fit. But, you (obviously) need multiple sizes as your baby grows. And, some feel that is inconvenient and would rather buy one stash of one sized diapers. Once and done.

This is a Rumparooz one size pocket diaper. You can see
how small and big it gets. Also, you can see aplix and
snaps.

One size (OS) diapers are meant to fit your baby from about 10lbs until they are potty trained. The diapers have multiple waist and rise snaps to adjust to the size of your baby. You simply snap the rise up and down as your baby grows. These come in AIO and pocket versions, and you can also get OS covers for pre-folds. 

Cloth diapers use aplix (Which is Velcro. But, Velcro is trademarked much like Q-tip and Band-Aid, and so aplix is the generic term used) and snaps to close. Both have pros and cons. While Velcro  aplix is easy to close, it also has a tendency to make the diapers stick together and form a long "diaper snake" in the washing machine. To counter-act this manufacturers add "laundry tabs" to the diapers, you simply fasten the aplix to the tabs to prevent the dreaded snake. But, the trick is you actually have to remember to fasten the tabs. With snaps you don't have that problem. But, it takes a little bit longer to fasten the diaper when you have to line up the snaps. This can be an issue if you have a squirmy baby (who doesn't?). 

There are a few different types of inserts. Each diaper normally comes with one or two inserts. As your baby gets older and starts to pee more you will probably need to add other inserts to prevent leaks- especially overnight. Often times, you can buy extra inserts that are identical to the ones that come with the diaper. But, a lot of times using multiple inserts can become bulky. To avoid this you can use hemp or bamboo. These inserts are both extremely absorbent and thin; which makes for a very trim diaper. You simply layer them under the inserts that come with your diaper. You layer them under rather than on top of the insert because the micro-fiber inserts that the diapers come with absorb quicker in order to wick moisture away from baby's bum. And, the hemp and bamboo absorb more slowly. Personally, I love the hemp inserts I have! I actually need to get more because Harrison is a very heavy wetter. These often save me from leaks during nap time. 

There are dozens of different brands of cloth diapers. I'm not going to pretend to know everything about every brand. But, I did do a lot of research before deciding which brands to buy. We decided on Bum Genius and Sun Babies brands for Harrison. Actually, I thought I was going to buy Bum Genius and Fuzzibunz, but when I went to a local store that sells cloth diapers they only had Bum Genius and Sun Babies. The woman that sold them used both on her children and loved them. Plus, Sun Babies was considerably cheaper than Bum Genius and Fuzzibunz, so I decided to fill out the rest of (almost half) my stash with those. In Bum Genius I have mostly their 4.0s which are pockets, but also have 4 of their Free Time AIOs. Both preform very well, and I haven't had any issues with them. Although, Anthony thinks the AIOs are "annoying"  and "bunch Harrison's balls". Men. Although the rise of the AIOs isn't as roomy, I don't find them annoying and Harrison doesn't seem "bunched" to me. But, I thought I'd mention it. Sun Babies only makes pockets, and they also perform very well. However, I found out why they are a lot cheaper than any other diaper brands I have come across. They are a Chinese company (not necessarily a bad thing) and seem to use a little lesser quality material. I noticed that their water-proof fabric seems a little thinner than my Bum Genius diapers and the cotton seems to pill a little, neither have effected absorbency so far. Also, the seams don't seem to be quite as secure, and the elastic isn't quite as stretchy. Although they preform as well as the Bum Genius, I am a little worried that they won't hold up as well as their more expensive counterparts. Only time will tell, and I would certainly still recommend them to anyone looking to use cloth diapers. The price really can't be beat, and the have really cute prints!

Some other brands that I researched and have read many, many good things about online are Rumparooz, Happy Heinys, Kissaluvs, Gro-via, Flip, Charlie Banana, Kuwaii, and Bummis. If you are interested in using cloth diapers I highly suggest you check out the cloth diapering board on The Bump. There is a FAQ section where you can read up on common questions, and the ladies that frequent the board are very knowledgeable. You can ask them absolutely anything. I learned, and continue to learn, a ton on there. Also, check out YouTube. There are so many helpful videos on there, and there is even a cloth diaper channel. If you're looking to save money (who isn't?) check out Spot's Corner where you can buy used diapers (Relax, not all of them are actually used and have been pooped on. Some are new in the package- people just didn't like them or got them as gifts and didn't want them). And, if you want to buy from small businesses or buy made in America there is always Etsy (plus I think Bummis are made in Canada- not America but not China either). 

Finally, there are a few things besides the actual diapers that you'll need to get started. Let me outline them;

A wet bag or diaper pail- You'll use one of these in place of a traditional diaper genie. You can simply buy a trash can or hamper and line it with a pail liner or use a wet bag. I use a Planet Wise (made in the USA!) hanging wet bag in my nursery and have a medium one in my diaper bag. I LOVE them. They come in a lot of fun prints and have held up really well in the wash.

Cloth diaper-friendly diaper rash cream- When in cloth diapers babies don't tend to get many diaper rashes (Check out this video about breathability). Harrison hasn't had one yet. But, he does get a wee bit red every now and then. So, it's a good idea to have some cream on hand. But, due to the chemicals used in many conventional rash creams you can't use them in cloth diapers. They "clog" up the fabric and effect the absorbency. I use CJ's BUTTer in the Oatmeal, Milk, and Honey scent. This stuff is fabulous and it smells great. You only need to use a little bit.

Cloth diaper-friendly detergent- Much like diaper rash creams, conventional detergents contain chemicals that effect the absorbency of cloth diapers. However, there are many detergents you can use. This website has a list of detergents that are safe to use. A good rule of thumb is unscented, powder detergents work best. I use Ultra Tide powder (in the original scent). I got this tip from the cloth diaper board on The Bump. And, even though it isn't formulated for use with cloth diapers, it works very well when only a little bit (2 tablespoons) is used. I decided to use Tide because detergents made specifically for cloth diapers tend to be more expensive. And, I didn't want to have to buy two different detergents- one for clothes and one for diapers. Plus, Tide is found pretty much everywhere, so you don't have to order it online. However, I do kinda want to try Rockin' Green. I have heard really good things about it and it comes in yummy scents and different formulas designed for specific water types. It is a little pricey, and that is what has kept me from trying it.

Diaper sprayer- It hooks up to your toilet's water supply and is used to spray poop off of diapers. You simply plop solid poop (Eww) in the toilet and spray off any stuck-on poop from the diaper while holding it over the toilet. I have a Bum Genius diaper sprayer but haven't used it yet. Harrison is breast fed and breast fed baby poop is water soluble (you learn something new every day), and just dissolves in the wash. Once he starts solids I will be using mine.

That's all you need. I know it can seem overwhelming, but it really is easy once you  get started. One question I get asked again and again when I tell people that we use cloth is, "Isn't it a pain to wash them?". The short answer is no. It's only 2-3 extra loads of laundry a week, and really doesn't bother me. Especially considering how much money we're saving by doing it. It's almost like I'm getting paid to wash them. Maybe if I felt like I was being paid to clean our apartment it would be a lot cleaner. ;) Here is a video that I found really helpful. The mom has some nice tips and explains everything really well. And, of course, each brand's website tells you how to wash them. I love using cloth with Harrison and can't imagine using disposables. Every time I see disposables in the store I think to myself, "thank God I don't have to buy those". It's oddly freeing. :)

Cloth Diapering Part Uno- Why we use cloth

If someone would have told me 2 years ago that I'd be cloth diapering my son I'd say they were crazy. You see, when I thought about cloth diapers the image of white cloths and safety pins came to mind. Or using a diaper service; which I thought would be way too expensive. But, then I stumbled upon a cloth diapering message board while on The Bump and started doing some research. All the ladies on that message board seemed to really love cloth diapering and preached about how much money they saved, how easy it was, and how bad disposable diapers are for the environment. All of that in addition to the pictures of their uber cute babies wearing cloth made me want to do more research about using them. 

There are several different ways to go when thinking about using cloth diapers, and I became a little overwhelmed at times. So, I want to share with you what I've learned, what I use, how I do it, and why I love cloth diapering Harrison. The reasons we use cloth are pretty simple; 

1. Cost savings 
2. More environmentally friendly
3. They're really cute

Cost savings was the first thing that made me want to cloth diaper. At first it seemed expensive, and; in all honesty, it is more expensive at first. But, they will pay for themselves rather quickly. In my search to figure out exactly how much I'd be spending I found out about a website that allows you to calculate how much using cloth will cost you including electricity (to wash/dry), detergent, water, and everything else you need to get started. It compares this cost to how much disposables will cost you until your little one is potty trained (Up to $3,000. What?!), and shows you how long it will take for your investment to pay for itself. This site really put things into perspective, and it wasn't long before I was researching different brands, styles, and all the supplies I would need.

Since there are so many different types and brands of cloth diapers (which I'll talk about in part dos) there is a wide range of what you can expect to spend. How many diapers you want  in your stash will also determine the cost. I want to do wash ever other or every two days, so I have 22 diapers. This is a comfortable amount for me, but I will probably add to my stash in order to try new things as they come out. 

My cost: I was lucky enough to receive a little more than half my stash as a gift (thank you, Mom!), so my out of pocket cost- not including water and electricity costs- was only about $150 and that includes 10ish diapers, two wet bags (will explain later), and two containers of cloth diaper friendly diaper rash cream. If I had to guess I would say that my entire stash cost about $400, and that is probably a high estimate. Obviously $400 is a lot better than spending up to $3,000 for diapers for one baby. It's easy to see how using disposables is literally like throwing money in the trash.

Cost was how I sold Anthony on the idea but environmental benefits was another selling point for me. As Anthony put it, "I don't care enough about the environment to wash poopy diapers unless is saves me money". Never mind that Anthony has yet to actually wash a diaper. ;) I'm not going to bore you with all the reasons why disposables are bad for environment. And, frankly, I don't know every way they are harmful. But, this is what I do know; a lot of oil is used to make disposables and they take an incredibly long time to break down in landfills. Here is a good article about how long diapers sit in landfills. And, in the interest of full disclosure, it also talks about how cloth diapers aren't completely environmentally friendly. 

Cute factor is an admittedly vain reason to use cloth. But, a lot of baby things involve vanity. How else do you explain those incredibly adorable pink, fluffy baby tutus? To properly illustrate just how cute cloth diapers are it is imperative that you see Harrison's fluffy butt! :)

He's about 3 months here.

Oh. My. Gawd. He is so little in this picture

Harrison's Birth

I have had this post written for a couple months now, but have been procrastinating actually publishing it. I think it's because a woman's birth story is incredibly personal and emotional; I cried several times writing and proof reading mine. But, it is also beautiful, and I always enjoyed reading them while I was pregnant. They helped me get an idea of what to expect. So, I decided to post mine hoping that whoever reads it will enjoy it and that; if they're pregnant, they'll learn something or maybe gain a little inspiration or something. Giving birth is a beautiful, painful, wonderful thing and however you decide to give birth- with an epidural, without one, in the water, at home, whatever- it is a truly magical experience that changes your life forever. It's really long, and I'm sure I forgot some things, but here is my almost pain-med free birth story;

Thursday April 19^th started out just like any other day. I got up, ate some cocoa pebbles, took a shower, and got ready to go to my non-stress test and amniotic fluid index ultrasound at Reading Hospital. I was exactly 41 weeks pregnant and very ready to meet my baby. I was a little nervous to find out what was going on because I knew the results would either mean that I had to wait up to another week to meet him, or that I could be meeting him that day or the next. Both prospects were daunting, and I wasn’t sure which I should be hoping for. I didn’t want to be induced because I knew that inductions were associated with an increased risk of needing a c-section; which was the last thing that I wanted. I also knew that Pitocin (the drug used to induce) caused intense, close-together contractions that were much harder to handle then contractions that started normally/on their own. Since I wanted a pain-med free birth, I was nervous that I would not be able to do it without an epidural if I needed to be induced. But, on the other hand, the thought of being pregnant for up to another week was not something that I wanted to consider. I was getting more uncomfortable as each day went by. I was having such intense back pain that would last all day, and just wanted this baby to be born. Plus, I was growing more and more worried that things weren’t ok with this baby. I would wake up in the middle of the night (normally to pee) and was not able to go back to sleep because I was worried that I couldn’t get the baby to move. I would poke and prod my belly, talk to him, play music and was not able to feel movement. This scared me. I would freak myself out wondering “how many movements did I feel today?” “He has been pretty active today, right?” “I’m sure everything is fine he’s just sleeping” “But, why won’t he move?!”. Then I would wake up Anthony and tell him “you have to help me make the baby move”.   So, he would as I cried that I just wanted him to come so that I could actually see him and make sure he was ok. Anthony would reassure me that everything is fine and that he would be here soon. Eventually he would move and I would be reassured and somehow manage to fall back to sleep. Needless to say, I wasn’t going to be truly happy until he was here.

Alright, back to the morning of the 19^th. I was running late (as usual), but managed to get to my appointment and the nice nurse started the non-stress test. Two monitors were placed around my huge stomach and I was left to lie in the chair and read The Hunger Games on my Nook for 20 or so minutes while they monitored Baby C. I could hear a woman next to me talk to the nurse about how she was having twins. And I just kept thinking, thank God that’s not me. I don’t know how I could handle having TWO in there. Good Lord. Twenty minutes passed and the nurse came back to say that everything was fine, but there were a couple decelerations in the baby’s heart rate but, “that’s normal unless the baby’s fluid is low and you’re going for a check on that now”.  So, onto the fluid check I went. I was set up in the room and the tech started to move the wand around. I hadn’t had an ultrasound since 21 weeks and was enjoying actually seeing my baby. But, I could tell by the look on her face that something was wrong. The next thing I knew the doctor came in and said that the fluid was incredibly low and that he needed to call my midwife to let her know what was up. I started to get teary because I knew what that meant; that I would need to be induced. Like right now. I talked to Jen (the midwife) on the phone and she asked me if I ate anything today. And I said yes. She was very reassuring, and told me everything was going to be fine and that the other midwife, Robin, would be in to get things started. And she said they would start things very slowly. They, of course, knew this wasn’t what I wanted and didn’t dismiss my feelings. I was so happy that I had chosen midwives to look after my care. Before leaving, I told the doctor and ultrasound tech that my husband was in the hospital doing an O.R. observation for nursing school and could they have someone find him and let him know.

From there I headed up to the maternity ward, tried calling Anthony with no success, and was immediately admitted and asked to change into a gown. I also told this nurse that my husband was in the hospital doing an O.R. observation for nursing school, could she please have someone let him know what was going on. She asked how long he would be there (it was about 9:30am at this point) and I said until noon. And, she kind of snickered and said “oh, it’s going to take much longer than that. He’ll have plenty of time, not much is going to happen before then”. I resisted the intense urge to slap her, and repeated that I wanted him here. I called him again and he immediately answered so I knew someone had gotten to him. He was almost at the maternity ward. Thank God. He came into the room in his O.R. scrubs with his white nursing school scrubs in a bag. I think I said something about how we could send one of our family members to go get some clothes for him. He said he was fine and we could worry about it later. Uh, duh, Ashley who freaking cares what he is wearing?! Haha. Everything started to hit me and I started to cry. Anthony (again) reassured me that everything was going to be fine and at least we were going to meet our son soon. The nurse came in and started my I.V. The first one blew, but she was able to get it the second time. Robin came in and explained that things were going to be started slowly. I expressed to her that I was glad to hear that because I really wanted to have the best shot of having a natural, vaginal birth. She said that’s what she wanted for me and assured me they were going to do everything possible to give me the outcome I wanted.

I was hooked up to two monitors so they could keep track of my and the baby’s heartbeats. I told Robin that I wanted the wireless monitor so that I could at least move around the room in order to manage the pain of the contractions. I knew that walking around, going into the shower, bouncing/rocking on an exercise ball, etc… would help me avoid pain meds. And, I didn’t want this induction to compromise that. Fluids and penicillin were started. Fluids because I wasn’t going to be able to eat or drink anything besides clear fluids and I needed to be hydrated, and penicillin because I was Group B Strep positive and the baby needed the antibiotic in order to be protected. The Pitocin was also started and I would say that within an hour the contractions started. Anthony was by my side and helped me though them. They quickly became very intense and I wasn’t sure how I was going to handle this. At some point Robin checked me and I was only 4cms dilated. Ugh. So, the Pitocin was increased and so did the contractions. I had to pee very badly and was told I could get up to use the bathroom but I needed to bring the I.V. pole and all the wires with me. I tried to stand up and was immediately in intense pain. The pain wasn’t from a contraction, though. My bladder was just so big and full and it was pushing against my uterus in such a way that I felt like I couldn’t stand up. I began crying on Anthony’s shoulder and I could hear Robin telling me everything was going to be fine. I eventually made it to the bathroom and was able to pee. Ah sweet relief! I made it back to the bed and got through a few more contractions. I remember being so overwhelmed and wishing I was at the birth center. At the birth center I wouldn’t have an I.V., wouldn’t be connected to monitors, would be able to eat, and would be able be in the birthing pool/tub. I knew the tub would give me relief, and I wanted it badly. I asked the nurse if I could get up and sway next to the bed. I really needed to get up and move around. She said yes, and I got up, hung on to the I.V. pole and started to move back and forth. I already felt better. The nurse needed to readjust the monitors because she lost the baby’s heart rate. She began searching for it, but couldn’t find it. After a couple minutes of searching she asked me to get back into the bed until she got it. I lay back down and she still couldn’t find it. Robin came in and said that they wanted to place an internal monitor in. She explained that this involved placing an electrode on the baby’s head. They would prick the skin with the electrode and it would stay in place. She placed it, and that was by far the most painful experience of my life. She needed to get passed the cervix and to the baby’s head and I wanted to kick her off the bed while she placed it. It was at this point that I began wondering to myself why exactly I wanted to do this without an epidural. Anthony was by my side the entire time, rubbing my back and telling me encouraging things like “remember how you climbed up that mountain in Kenya? That was really hard and you did it. You can do this”. We had agreed beforehand that I would use my experiences in Kenya to give me strength and take me away from the pain. Kenya would be my happy place; I would go there to get away.

Once the internal monitor was placed they were able to pick up his heartbeat. It was at this point that things got a little nerve-wracking. The baby’s heart rate was high; 180-190, when it had been in the 140s during the non-stress test just a couple hours before as well as throughout my pregnancy. Also, the heart beat was irregular. Now that the internal monitor was in, the baby’s heart beat sounded a lot more clear- like someone knocking on a door. Well, it was beating two fast beats, a break, one beat kind of like knonkknock___knock, knockknock___knock. Obviously, we both knew this wasn’t good. So Robin came back in and we started to talk about our options. She was puzzled as to why this would just happen all of a sudden. Both her and the nurse (also named Robin) said that they had never seen anything like this and they had been working in this field for over 25 years each. That isn’t exactly what you want to hear when you’re in labor. I had read that the baby’s heart rate can go down when the mom is given Pitocin because they are under distress due to the strong, close together contractions brought on by the drug. This then (usually) results in Mom needing a c-section. But, I had not read anything about baby’s heart rate going up or becoming irregular due to the drug. Robin seemed pretty sure that I was going to need a c-section. In fact, she flat out told me that if she had to place a bet she would bet we “are going to end up on the table. But, by all means, prove us wrong, girl”. At this point, I just wanted everyone to make a decision one way or another. Although I didn’t want a c-section, I would obviously do whatever it took to have a healthy baby. It seemed to be taking forever for everyone to make a decision. Dr. Cammarano is the consulting doctor and would be the one doing the c-section. So, he needed to be consulted. I felt helpless in the bed, and just wanted this to all be over.

Around this time Anthony went out to update our anxious families. I believe I was around 6cm dilated and he wanted them to know that and that I might need a c-section. While he was out Robin made the decision to take out my internal monitor (or maybe it fell out I really don’t remember everything was kind of a blur) and put in another one. Anthony was still gone and I remember thinking “where the hell is he!? He is taking too long!”. Although, it was probably only 5-10 minutes it felt like FOREVER. Robin began to place the monitor and I thought I was going to die, the pain was so intense. I just kept crying “No no no!” because I had no other words for what I felt. At one point I said “I want my husband”. Soon Anthony was back and Robin nicely said “Ok, she is in labor now so…” and I said, “so, you can’t leave anymore”. Robin goes, “well, I was gonna say it a little more delicately, but yeah you can’t leave anymore.” Another contraction was coming on and I told Anthony that I couldn’t do this anymore and to call the anesthesiologist because I wanted an epidural. Like, NOW! But, he remained calm and said, “let’s talk about it after the contraction is over”. Surprisingly, this didn’t annoy me- I actually read about this in Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth, and told Anthony to say that to me if I started to lose it. Meanwhile, the baby’s heartbeat and rate were still irregular and high. My Pitocin was lowered to see if that would help. It didn’t and Robin started to feel like maybe it was the placement of the monitor or possibly that the monitor was defective/not working right. She said she wanted to place a third one. I about lost it at that point. I looked her straight in the eye and asked her if she thought it was worth it. What I meant was that I didn’t want to go through the pain of placing it again if I was only going to end up with a c-section anyway. She said that she thought it was worth it and I trusted her. So, she placed a third one, but Anthony was with me and helped me through it. After it was placed, his heart rate and beat remained unchanged and more decisions needed to be made.

Eventually it was decided that an ultrasound should be done to actually see his heart and determine what was going on. I was asked to wear an oxygen mask and three doctors came in with an ultrasound machine. To me, it looked like two residents and one doctor and all three were very nice. They took turns looking at his heart and everything looked good. They also looked to see if he was moving well and showing other signs that he was tolerating everything okay. He seemed to be doing well besides the heart, and the doctors didn’t seem concerned. The head of maternal and fetal medicine came in at that point to consult. He agreed that everything looked good, and all four doctors also agreed that they had never seen anything like that and that it was strange that his heart would just start acting like this out of the blue. I jokingly asked them if they were going to write a journal article about me. We all laughed and I was able to relax a little bit. Then another contraction hit and in the middle of one the resident asked me something, and I said, as nicely as I could, that I could not talk at the moment. She didn’t seem offended and just kind of smiled. Everyone left to fill in Dr. Cammarano, and when Robin came back she said that he said that it looked like the baby was handling everything well. And, that we could continue with the Pitocin. She did add, though, that if things got worse I would need a c-section. So, labor continued and it was so intense that I started to wonder why women even had children in the first place. This Pitocin was kicking my butt. Five o’clock rolled around and it was time for one of the other midwives, Jen, to come in and relieve Robin. Jen had obviously been briefed on what was going on and was aware of the possible heart issues. Shortly after she came in I heard her say “has anyone been counting the beats? Because when I count the beats I get 144.” What she said immediately clicked with me. I remember thinking “Oh yeah, why hasn’t anyone else thought of that?” I had a feeling then that everything was going to be ok. Things moved pretty quickly from there. And, labor became even more intense.

Jen and the new nurse, Missy, were absolute God sends and I could not have been more pleased with them! Both women, along with Anthony, gave me such amazing support and encouragement. It was around this time that I again began practically begging for an epidural, but Anthony was able to talk me out of it. However, Missy said “what about an I.V. pain med?” Ding ding ding! We have a winner! I had forgotten all about the I.V. meds. I immediately said “yes!”, and Missy left to retrieve the glorious Nubain. She administered it though my I.V. and, while doing so, explained that I wouldn’t feel full relief from the pain, but should feel more relaxed. That is exactly what I wanted. What I needed. The contractions were just so long, close together, and painful that I couldn’t get a grasp on them. I couldn’t relax enough between them or see the light at the end of the tunnel during them. Once the Nubain took effect I still felt the full force of the contractions but was able to relax in between them. It was as though I was daydreaming or even sleeping for a moment or two in between. It was just what I needed to prepare myself for the next contraction. It gave me the control I needed to be able to tell myself that I could, in fact, do this. At some point I had asked Anthony to turn on my Nook and put the Guster Pandora station on. This helped me relax even more and I remember thinking about the time Lauren and I went to see Guster at Penns Landing. I was transported back to that hot sidewalk in front of the gates. We sat there under the tree and people watched for the several hours before the concert. We wanted first row “seats” and we got them. It was so worth it. Obviously the Nubain was working and this was the first time that I felt somewhat in control that day.

I was making good progress and the contractions were getting more and more intense. This is when Jen became invaluable to my sanity. During a particularly long, strong contraction she crouched down in front of me and pushed against my knees with her hands as I sat on the side of the bed with my feet hanging over the side. This put just the right about of pressure on my hips, and along with Anthony pressing on my lower back gave me a good amount of relief during the contractions. Once I felt that relief I craved it during each subsequent contraction and asked Jen to “do the knee thing” whenever I felt one coming on. She did, and I will be forever grateful for that. I remember the midwives saying that they often acted as a doula (labor support person) in addition to a midwife, and this was proof of that. I’ll say it again, without her and Anthony’s support I would not have been able to go without an epidural. At some point I could feel the Nubain wearing off and requested another dose. I was hitting transition and needed it. It wasn’t long after receiving that second dose that I felt the urge to push. Jen checked me and I wasn’t quite ten centimeters. Crap. So labor continued, but soon I was saying “I want to push” again. Jen checked me again and said that there was only a little cervix left. She told me I could push with the next contraction to see if I could push through it. As the contraction came on I began to push and was happy to hear Jen say that the cervix was moving out of the way and was not beginning to swell. Hallelujah!

It was go time, and I was so ready to meet my son! I was able to push with each contraction, and it felt great to actually be able to do something. It turns out I was a good pusher and the Pitocin was turned off since I was having contractions on my own. The non-Pitocin contractions felt nothing like the ones brought on by the drug. It was almost like I couldn’t even feel them. There wasn’t much pain, just pressure and tightening. It was great. After a few pushes I looked at Anthony and asked if he could see the head. No one said anything and I knew that was a “no”. So, I kept up the hard work, and Jen assured me that I was doing a great job. It was during the pushing stage that I was the hottest. At some point Jen asked if I wanted a fan, and I said “yes”. So, she brought one in and it felt amazing. But, soon it wasn’t enough to cool me, and in between each contraction Anthony needed to fan me. Every time I finished with the third push I would look at Anthony and say “more”. He would fan me until the next contraction. Did I mention how amazing he was?! At some point someone suggested ice chips. Eating those ice chips helped me more than I ever could have imagined. I can’t really explain it, but there was something about crunching on that ice that made me focus more. It was a weird sensation, and I am sure it was incredibly annoying for Anthony to hear me crunching on the ice but I didn’t care one bit. Minutes were passing and I was really getting the hang of this pushing business. Jen, Missy, and Anthony were incredibly supportive and encouraging. As time passed I was getting more and more determined to push this baby out. No one was counting to ten or saying “push, push, push!” (which I liked), but I must have been pushing for a long time each time because I could hear Missy and Robin saying “Woah she is pushing for a long time” and “She must have been a diver because she can hold her breath for a long time”. If I would have been in a different frame of mind that sentence would have made me laugh. Lauren and I used to “swim” on swim team for a couple summers during high school. And by swim I mean goof off in the pool playing with diving sticks that some kid left in there the day before and splitting a mile’s worth of laps instead of swimming the whole mile like we were supposed to. We would kneel in the shallow end and gossip until we saw one of our coaches and would then dive under and pretend to be on our 20^th lap or whatever. So, the idea that I got such great lung capacity by being on a diving team was laughable- if anything I owe my lung capacity to the enormous amount of talking I’ve been doing since I was 12 months old.

After some more pushing Jen started preparing me for the fact that the baby was going to be here soon. She said that the NICU team was going to have to be called right before delivery because there was meconium (baby’s first poop) present in what little amniotic fluid was left. She said that between that and how the baby’s heart rate was acting she wouldn’t be surprised if he needed to go to the NICU for a little while. I appreciated her honesty because it gave me a chance to mentally prepare myself for not having my son with me right away. I knew he wouldn’t be able to be placed on my chest right after delivery and I began to work under the assumption that he would have to leave. I didn’t want to get my hopes up. I kept pushing three times with each contraction and soon I noticed another body in the room. Jen explained that she was the nurse who was going to call the NICU team when we got close to delivery. She began watching things progress and I could see the phone in her hand. I knew we were getting close. Anthony, Jen, and Missy became even more encouraging and soon Jen said “you delivered a curl! You’re almost there!” I was so happy to hear that they could see his hair! When I was still pregnant I told Anthony that when I was in labor he should tell me that he could see the baby’s hair even if he didn’t have any. I knew that hearing that would make me even more excited to see my son. I was a bald baby and basically stayed that way until I was two, so having a baby that actually had hair was an exciting prospect for me. Well, when I heard Jen say that I had delivered a curl I knew she wasn’t just saying that to get me excited- this baby really must have hair! I told Anthony to go get the camera. I knew we were getting close, and I wanted Anthony to get as many pictures as possible as soon as he was born (but not before haha!).

Shortly after that Jen said, “Ashley, you are going to feel some burning but push through it. You’re almost there.” That’s when the words “ring of fire” popped into my head. I had read countless birth stories before going into labor and that phrase was mentioned in almost every one. The ring of fire is basically when the baby is crowning and stretching you out and it burns. It had been described as the worse part of labor and I was dreading it. I simply couldn’t imagine what it was going to feel like or how I was going deal with it. But, I also knew that once you got passed that feeling you were basically done.  So I kept pushing (I did feel a little burning but the “ring of fire” was nowhere near as painful as the Pitocin contractions!) and before I knew it his head was out and then I pushed once more and the rest of him was out. I couldn’t believe it! Jen cut the cord and quickly handed him over to the NICU doctor. The first thing out of my mouth was, “is he ok?” I looked over and the NICU team was working on him and I heard one of the nurses say “his apgar is 9”. That made me so happy! The NICU doctor looked at me and said, “he can stay with you”. It was an incredible moment! Even Jen seemed surprised that everything was fine and that he could stay in the room with us. We both looked at the doctor and said, “he can?” and the doctor said, “yes, he’s doing well.” I saw Anthony taking pictures and I noticed that he began to tear up. It was the happiest moment of both our lives. Very shortly after that Harrison was weighed and Missy asked if we had any guesses. We had both made a guess about his height and weight while I was still pregnant; mine was 8lbs 14oz, 22in long and Anthony’s was 7lbs 8oz (I think it was 8oz anyway) and 20in long. Well we were both wrong! Harrison weighed in at a whopping 9lbs 6oz and was 20.5 inches long. But, surprisingly, to look at him he didn’t look like that big of a baby. His arms and legs were (and still are) really long and skinny and his shoulders are pretty broad. We were both shocked at how big he was, though. I had only gained about 10-12 pounds throughout my entire pregnancy, and based on how huge my belly was I thought he would be big but not 9 pounds big! After he was born and Missy found out how little weight I gained during pregnancy she said, "well, I think you just lost it all".  :)

After he was weighed and measured they quickly brought him over and placed him on my chest. It was a magical moment. I was finally holding my beautiful, perfect son! I noticed he was rooting and sucking on his hand and knew that that meant he wanted to nurse. Missy helped me get him latched on and she said that I did a great job. I jokingly told her to tell my mom that because “I have the reputation of being the wimp of the family”. She responded, “well, I don’t think that will be the case anymore. You did amazing.” I was so proud. Proud of myself for avoiding a c-section and giving birth without an epidural, proud of my husband for how amazingly supportive he was during the whole thing, and most of all- proud to be the mother of such a beautiful son. It is truly amazing what the female body is capable of when given the chance. I will never forget how I felt that evening. The experience was truly empowering.

Here are some pictures of little Harrison James Cosenza right after birth.

His first picture.

Completely perfect.

About 2-3 hours after has was born; after his first bath. His face is still all swollen and puffy from delivery.

Proud Papa!

34 Weeks!

STATS:

How far along: 34 weeks! 3 weeks away from full term. :)


His size: Still a honeydew, and will be until 37 weeks.

Total weight gain: I thought I was up 10lbs, but I weighed myself again in the morning to get a more accurate number. And, I am still hovering around the 7-8lbs gained mark. I'm good with that.

Sleep: I can't really complain about this. I get to sleep just fine and wake up about 2-3 times to pee, but I can generally fall back to sleep pretty quickly. Last night, though, I woke up around 3am and was wide awake. I wasn't able to go back to sleep for a little while. But, other than that all is well.


Food cravings: Nothing new since the last update. I have been hungry a lot lately, though. I think Baby C is gaining something like 1/2 pound a week right now, so that is probably why.

Food aversions: None, thankfully.

Symptoms: My lower back has been hurting more ever since I started doing hands and knees exercises in order to get the baby into a better position. My midwife said that she thinks he is head down but on his side and over to the right. She said that by doing hands and knees (basically getting on your-duh- hands and knees and lifting your hips up and down) you can normally move the baby in to a better position for delivery. Ideally he would be laying on his stomach with his head lined up with the exit. ;) I have been doing the exercises for a few days and I think they are working because I feel more pressure and my lower back has been more sore. Other than more back pain, my hips are a little sore at night and, of course, I get tired very easily. That's about it.

Stretchmarks: They are about the same as the last post. There might be a few more and they are itchy, but overall nothing has changed much.


Midwife Appointment: My next one is on the 12th- I'll be almost 36 weeks then. At that appointment my midwife will do an internal exam to see if I am dialated at all and if she can feel the head. She'll also test me for Group B Strep; which is a bacteria that everyone has in their bodies but is active at different times. If the baby is exposed to it during delivery he can get very sick. So, they test every woman for it around 36 weeks and if you test positive you have to have a dose of penicilian when you're in labor. I have to admit that I am a little nervous about the internal exam because I have read on some other blogs that these exams are "VERY uncomfortable". But, this is another one of those things that is different for everyone so it is hard to tell how it'll be. I am excited, though, to see if I'm dialated and if she can feel the head. I feel like we are getting so close to meeting our little man, now. :)

Movement: He's been very active lately, and since doing hands and knees I can feel the movement in slight different areas. He seems lower to me; which I guess is good. He is still most active at night, but is becoming more active during the day.


Belly Button: At first, I didn't think it was going to "pop out". But, now I am not so sure. I can feel the inside/bottom of it when I sit down, and it seems to be close to popping. I know you are all dying to know these details, so I'll be sure to keep updating. haha.

Gender: Boy!

Best moment of the week: There have been a few; hearing the baby's heartbeat (140 bpm) at my appointment, going to Target with Anthony and buying some things for the nursery, and getting the rest of the nursery furniture delivered this morning.

I love seeing the nursery come together. :) I've been hunting for things for the nursery both online and in stores for months now and it's great to finally see some things in the room! So far we've got the crib, changing table, two elephant prints, a few shelves, an end table for next to the rocker, a lamp, a bookcase, and some picture frames. I'll be ordering some more prints from etsy over the next few days, and I can't wait to get them! I have the frames all ready for them and am anxious to hang them up. It's very easy to spend a ton of money on a nursery, but I have done a lot of shopping around and have been trying to spend as little as possible on everything. Also, I've been trying to make as many things as possible. I love doing little projects and I think they add a great personal touch to the room. Knowing that I am making something for my son is such a great feeling! I'll be making a nursery post with before and after pictures- I'm excited to share them with everyone.


What I’m looking forward to: Getting the rest of the stuff for the nursery and going to my next appointment so I can see what kind of progress (if any) we've made.


What I miss: Nothing besides sushi. I enjoy being pregnant. :)

Feelings...

Over the course of this pregnancy there have been some things about labor/delivery and actual motherhood that have been very hard for me to wrap my brain around. These tend to be the things that can’t really be explained by someone that has been there and done that. The way each woman experiences/feels about them seems to be unique. They are the things that you aren’t truly going to understand until you’ve been through it. I think every pregnant woman has a list of things like this. For me, these aren’t really things I’m afraid of; rather they are things that I just wonder “how will I do this?” or “how does that work exactly?” or “what will that be like?”. I am actually excited to find out the answers to those questions.

I would like to list these things in the hopes that other pregnant women (or women thinking about becoming pregnant) see that they are not alone in having unanswered questions. I also want to list them so that women realize that they shouldn’t pay attention to the (often unsolicited) advice, comments, and stories they get from everyone- even strangers- when they find out they’re pregnant. Often times people say things that scare you (why they feel the need to do this is beyond me), and if there is one thing I’ve learned from reading Ina May Gaskin’s Guide to Childbirth it's just how much fear and people’s comments can negatively affect your birth experience. So, I am trying to ignore such comments, educate myself the best I can, and freely wonder what it will be like. I know that when it comes down to it that I will just do it. I’ll just get through it. But, before a life changing event occurs it is natural to wonder what it is going to feel like. Even if you realize that you aren’t going to know how it really feels until it is over. You just prepare the best you can, and go into it with an “I can do this!” attitude.

So far the list of the things/concepts that are hard for me wrap my brain around are;

Pushing: it’s my understanding that first time moms can expect to push for 2+ hours. Now I’m not worried/concerned about the pain of pushing. I know it will hurt, but I also know I am strong enough to get through it. But, what I can’t imagine is actually physically pushing for multiple hours. To be honest, I can’t imagine doing anything over and over again without giving up for multiple hours. When you’re in the thick of it are you really even aware of how much time has passed? Is it one big blur? After the baby is born and someone tells you how long you pushed for is it easy for you to believe them? Do you think “yeah it sure felt like 3 hours!” or “What? 3 hours? It didn’t feel like that long.”

Just how tired I’m going to be: throughout this pregnancy there have been days that I was so exhausted that I couldn’t imagine being any more tired. One day it hit me; am I going to be more tired than this with a newborn? If so, how is that possible? Shortly after wondering that I was watching an old episode of Mad About You that I had recorded. And, in this one Jaime had recently had Mable and was talking to Paul about how tired she was. She said, “You know every time before this that I said I was tired? I lied.” I thought, that probably sums it up- you have no clue what tired is until you have a baby. Pre-baby exhaustion must seem like just mildly sleepy after baby arrives. I’ll admit that at one point I actually thought; “well, in college I would stay up past 1am and then have to be at work (with children) by 6am, it’ll probably feel like that.” I have a feeling that after Baby C arrives I am going to look back on that thought and laugh at how naïve I was.

Breast-feeding: I am very much looking forward to breast feeding. I can’t wait to bond with my baby in that way. But, what I can’t imagine is how it will feel to be the sole food source for another human (at least for a few months). Will it be overwhelming? Will it be empowering to know that someone depends on me in that way? Maybe a combination of both?

Contractions: What will they feel like? Everyone says that they feel like “strong period cramps”. I’m curious to see if that is accurate. What about back labor, what does that feel like? Ina May advises that a woman should try to relax when she feels a contraction coming rather than tense up. Relaxing will help it to hurt less, she says. I’m wondering how in the world I’ll be able to relax my body. The bottom line is that you can read as many books as you want, do as much yoga as you want, do as many relaxation exercises as you want, but when the time comes you have no idea how you are going to react. As strange as it sounds, I am actually excited to go into labor. I know it is going to be an incredible amount of work- probably more physical work than I have ever done. But, I am so looking forward to the end results. Of course finally seeing Baby C is an end result, but so is the immense feeling of pride and accomplishment that I’ll feel once it’s over. A friend of mine recently gave birth naturally (after 4 hours of pushing!!), and she told me that the feeling a pride is so overwhelming and gratifying. That it is so amazing to see exactly what the female body is capable of. In fact, that seems to be a common theme in the birth stories I have read. The women are all so amazed at how strong they are when given the chance. They are in awe of what their bodies can do. I can’t wait to experience that.

Getting all these thoughts out has been freeing in a weird way. That is exactly why I love blogging so much.

Peace&Love,

Ashley

33 weeks!

I've been wanting to do this whole baby/pregnancy blog thing for awhile now. I've been reading a few other blogs and got the idea to do a weekly update with a standard set of questions from them. Since I'm pretty far into this pregnancy this first update will contain some past info. to compare and give you an idea of where I started vs. where I am now. So, here it goes...


STATS:


How far along: 33 weeks! I really can't believe I am that far already. Time has flown by and is going really slow all at the same time. On one hand it feels like it was just last week that I took that first test and showed the positive result to Anthony. But, on the other hand I am not quite ready for this baby to come, and am glad that I still have a few more weeks. The nursery is still a work in progress, we have yet to build our cloth diaper stash (Yes, cloth diapers. That will be a post all of its own), and I want to make a bunch of freezer meals. But, beyond the physical/material things I also still need to do some mental preparation. Well, as much as a first time mom can do. There are still several things about labor/delivery and the newborn stage that I am trying to wrap my brain around. I'm not going to go into those things at this moment because that is going to be a separate post. But, I have realized that the reason it is hard to imagine/wrap your brain around certain things about pregnancy and motherhood is because those are the two things in life that are different for every woman and there is just no way of adequately telling a first time mom what to expect in a way that will actually convey the life changing events that are about to take place. Simply put, you aren't going to understand it until you've been through it.

So, I've been reading Ina May Gaskin's Guide to Childbirth as a way of preparing as much as possible for this birth. I'm still looking for a good book about life with a newborn. If there is one thing I have learned from reading other pregnancy blogs it's that you shouldn't read dozens of books about pregnancy/birth and motherhood. It will get too confusing-there are too many conflicting ideas and opinions. Instead, I have learned that it is important to first research the type of birth you want and figure out which type of theory/technique you agree with most. And then, find a good book about that. For me, I did a lot of research before I even got pregnant and decided that I wanted to have a midwife oversee my pregnancy/birth rather than an OB, and I wanted to try everything I can to have a natural birth. I came across Gaskin's Guide to Childbirth while reading a natural birth blog. I LOVE the book so far, and I do feel more mentally prepared after reading what I have so far. Obviously time will tell, but I'm happy with this book and will be recommending it to all the pregnant women in my life wether they want to try for a natural (by which I mean pain med-fee) birth or not. The birth stories in it are powerful and empowering, and I feel very inspired by them. Also, the way Gaskin explains the things that go on during labor and delivery and how to prepare for and handle them really makes sense to me.

Size: According to the fruit/veggie chart I found online, Baby C is the size of a honeydew. He'll be at that size for a few weeks before moving on to the last fruit- watermelon. As far as actual measurements, I consulted a different chart and the average size for 33 weeks is 17. 2 inches long and 4.23 pounds.

Total weight gain: Based on my starting weight it is recommended that I only gain about 15lbs. I started out losing weight due to nausea, then I slowly gained weight. I held steady at 5 pounds gained for several weeks; which I was happy with. As of two weeks ago I had gained 7lbs. This actually kind of surprised me because I was so used to seeing the same number on the scale. haha. I weighed myself this afternoon and I seem to be up to 10lbs gained. I am going to re-weigh myself tomorrow morning, though since it is more accurate to weigh yourself in the morning. Overall, I am happy with 10lbs gained. I am 33 weeks, after all, and women who are at a more healthy weight pre-baby are told to gain 30-40 pounds (or about a pound a week)during their pregnancy. So, I'm pretty proud that I've been able to keep my weight gain under control. I only have 7 weeks left, so even if I gain a pound a week until then I will still only be at 17lbs gained. That is a number I can totally live with. :) My belly is measuing within the normal range, so that should mean that Baby C will be an "average" size. That thrills me since I am all too aware of the size of his exit route. ;)

Sleep: Sleeping on my side has definitely taken some adjustment. I am a hard core stomach sleeper and I absolutely can not wait to be able to sleep that way again. But, I'm pretty used to it by now and I have to say that I sleep fairly well. I do get up 2-3 times a night to pee, but I am usually able to go right back to sleep (thankfully). Changing sides is getting increasingly harder, though. I'm pretty sure I sound like an old person when I move from my left to right side. Sometimes I have to pull on Anthony's arm to give me some leverage while turning over. Luckily for him, he doesn't complain.


Food cravings: Pizza, pizza, and more pizza. I don't know why, I wasn't a huge pizza fan pre-pregnancy. But, I have heard from other pregnant women that pizza is one of their big cravings, too. Weird. Besides that I don't really crave a specific item. Instead, I crave something sweet or something salty- anything fitting that description will do. Occasionally, I do get a really odd, specific craving, though. For example, the other day I wanted a simosa from Kenya. And not just any simosa- one from a street cart in Gilgil. That was, hand down, the best simosa I had while there. Mmmm!


Food aversions: Nothing right now. But, a couple months ago avocados; unfortunately, were making me gag. I couldn't finish the chicken avocado ranch sandwich from Zoup! and quacamole at Chipotle made me gag. Thankfully, that stage is over, and I can eat pretty much anything I want.

Symptoms: I have had pretty bad round ligament pain since a couple months into this pregnancy. My bikini line and upper thigh area ache when I walk. I now know why the pregnant lady waddles, let me tell you. It has gotten a little better lately (or maybe I am just used to it and don't notice it as much?). Other than that I have had more frequent heartburn, and my lower back and hips ache after a long day. I am incredibly tired some days, but that is to be expected. Fortunately, I haven't thrown up, experienced swelling, or had any of the other common symptoms.

Stretchmarks: None until about a month or so ago. Now I have several around my belly button. Their appearance doesn't bother me at all and I didn't do anything to prevent them. I'm not the type of person that worries much about thier physical appearance and they don't make me self-conscious. My belly does get itchy, though, so I've been lotioning it daily.

Midwife Appointment: I'm going every two weeks now, and my next appointment is the 27th.

Movement: I feel him move a lot, but mostly at night. He moves more when I play music- specifically Jennifer Hudson. I'm serious, this kid loves her! I've tried other artists/bands, and nothing gets him moving quite like Ms. Hudson. :)

Belly Button: It's getting more shallow every day. It's almost flat and I can make it "pop out" if I stretch my belly a little. Gross, I know. But, I can't help it.

Gender: Boy! Although, I must admit that I am not entirely convinced that is the case. I guess time will tell. :)

Best moment of the week: Getting some things for the nursery with my mom, and painting the bookshelf that was in my nursery. It's getting a make-over for Baby C, and I am so glad that I am able to have something from my nursery in his.

What I’m looking forward to: Getting the nursery completed! And, of course, finally meeting this little guy!


What I miss: Nothing, really. Besides sushi. That is definitely going to be one of my first meals after delivery.



Ok, that's all for this week's update. Some posts I'm working on are; cloth diapering, the things that are hard for me to wrap my brain around, how great Anthony has been throughout all of this, a nursery post with pictures, freezer meals, and some others. I'm also working on a birth plan (I know, I know you can't plan the birth. But, this will basically be a list of things that we want and don't want to happen if we can prevent it. My midwife recommends at least getting your desires on paper so that you are educated about the process and know what you want. I'll definitely be going into labor/delivery with an open mind, though.).

So for now....

Peace&Love,

Ashley