As a (relatively) new mom there are some things I would love to tell every expectant mother out there. Although I am certainly not an expert, these are either things I was told or wish I was told during my pregnancy. It is my belief that every woman should have the opportunity to have the birth she wants. Obviously, sometimes things happen that prevent that from happening. But, I think it is important to know what you want and have a plan B and C. I also believe that every pregnant woman should take the time to research their options as far as different birth professionals, what type of birth they want, where they want to have their baby, etc... early in their pregnancy so they have time to make decisions and put plans into place that are right for them.
Many women don't even know they have a choice of where to give birth (i.e. hospital, birth center, at home) or what type of birth they want (i.e. natural birth, water birth, etc...). There are pros and cons to all of these choices, and not every choice is right for every woman. Too many times society dictates to us what we "should", "must" do and this includes how/where we give birth and who attends the delivery. The mainstream, public view of birth these days tends to be; see an OB during pregnancy, deliver in a hospital with an epidural, and go home with your beautiful baby. There's nothing wrong with that picture, it's just not for everyone. And, I think if more women researched their options they'd be more equipped to make decisions about their health and the health of their baby. These days if you go against the "normal" picture of birth and raising your child you're perceived as "weird" or a "hippy". Personally, I think every woman should make her own decisions and not be judged for them. What works for one woman/family, doesn't always work for another. And that's ok.
Ok, enough of my philosophy (for now). Here are a few tips I have for every beautiful momma-to-be out there;
Do your research: Think you want a natural birth in a birth center with a midwife? Great! Start researching ways to cope with the pain during labor, what classes to take (Hypnobabies or the Bradley Method anyone?). Look into local birth centers and do this early on because there may not be any in your area. They seem to be shrinking- here is a birth center locator that gives you the 10 closest centers you your home. If there isn't one in our area, don't worry. Most midwives can attend your birth in a hospital or even in your home if that's more your style. Find a great midwife. Talk to others that have done it and read birth stories online, gain encouragement and inspiration from them. Think you want to give birth in a hospital with a doctor and receive an epidural or other medication for pain? Great! Go to your local hospital for a tour. Find a great doctor that shares your beliefs and has your best interest in mind (interview several if you have to). Research the possible side effects of an epidural to you and the baby. Basically, take it upon yourself to be as informed as possible about what you want. Knowledge is power and when you have it you can ask informed questions and object to things you don't want or fight for things you do. Doctors and midwives are wonderful, but it's impossible for them to educate you on every aspect of pregnancy, labor, and delivery. It's up to you to find things out. Sometimes, through your research, you'll realize that you no longer want what you thought you did. For example, once you find out that receiving an epidural increases your risk for a c-section you may not want it.
One amazing book that I think every woman should read regardless of the way you want to give birth is Ina May Gaskin's Guide to Childbirth. If I could, I would buy this for every pregnant woman I know. I'd be handing it out to pregnant women on the street. I absolutely LOVED this book and learned so much from it. I credit it (along with some other things) with giving me the strength, confidence, and courage to have a natural birth. I even highlighted some particularly inspirational passages and referred to it at different parts of my pregnancy. I plan on reading it again when I become pregnant with baby #2. The first part of the book is all birth stories from women of different backgrounds and each woman has a unique story to tell. Most had natural births, some received epidurals and all of their stories are truly inspirational. The second half of the book is dedicated to informing momma-to-be about all things related to labor and delivery. Everything for epidurals and episiotomies to water births and doulas are talked about.
One word of caution, though, too much research can be a bad thing. Don't endlessly Google every birth term you hear or every possible thing that could go wrong. Also, there's no need to watch a YouTube video entitled "my gruesome birth" or read a birth story labeled "My Horrible/Terrifying Birth Story". Talk to people you trust and respect. I've also found The Bump to be a very helpful resource. On their site you can read birth stories that are categorized by "c-section", "natural birth", "home birth", "water birth", etc... This really allows to narrow your search and really hone in on what is important to you. Also, there is a community/message board section on The Bump. There are message boards dedicated to everything you can think of; infertility, home schooling, natural birth, cloth diapers, attachment parenting, breast feeding, stay at home moms, working moms, etc... You name it, they have it. You can even join your "birth month" board and talk to other moms who are all due the same month you are. I learned a ton of information on there.
Watch "The Business of Being Born" and "More Business of Being Born": These two fabulous documentaries (both available on Netflix!) should be required viewing for all pregnant ladies. Aside from Ina May's book, I learned the most from watching "The Business of Being Born". The second installment, which is a 4 part series, came out after I had Harrison. And I have watched 3 of the 4 episodes on Netflix so far. I simply can't say enough about these movies. They are both educational and inspirational. They taught me about the alarming c-section rate in this country, about how, despite being a wealthy country, America has one of the highest rates of infant and maternal death (higher than all of Europe and even some developing countries!), and about how; unfortunately, we might not be able to fully trust that what our doctors are telling us is in our best interest. I believe that after watching this you will be better informed and better able to make the best decision for you and your baby. One of the installments of "More Business..." is dedicated to celebrity moms talking about their birth experiences. Normally, I don't give much credit to what celebs have to say, but I'll make an exception for this. Please note that all of these celebs tend to be more private. Think Layla Ali, Alanis Morrisette, and Allison Hannigan not Kim K and Snooki. All the moms planned on having a natural birth, some achieved this and other didn't. Some gave birth at home, others had c-sections. Every single one is empowering. I could relate to at least one aspect of every woman's story and it was nice to hear from other women that I was not alone in my journey. If you are a second time mom you will find yourself nodding your head in agreement when you listen to these amazing stories.
Find and join a "mommy group": I am blessed to have a good friend that started a mommy group and invited me to join. I became a part of the group when I was newly pregnant and have loved it ever since. I have learned so much from the ladies in the group! Some of us are first time moms, while others are on their 3rd or 4th bundle of joy. Whenever we get together lots of knowledge and funny stories are shared by all. It is important to find a group of women with which you can share stories and ask questions. A lot of times a question you have is the same as someone else's and it's always nice to know you are not alone. We are a diverse group; some cloth diaper others don't, some used a midwife others a doctor, some believe in vaccinations others don't. But, we have a judgement free policy- we respect and support each other always and have the mantra, what is right for me may not be right for you. Mutual respect and empathy is key, and when you have those two things being part of a mommy group is a truly wonderful thing. I feel it is essential to have a place where you can get together with other mothers are talk about your feelings and concerns as well as gossip about celebrities and vent about your husband/partner.
Don't know any other pregnant ladies? No problem! I have seen them advertised on Craigslist and in the newspaper. Also you can visit meetup.com to search you local area for mom groups. There are lots on there.
Consider cloth diapers: If you know me, you know I love my cloth diapers. I've blogged about it here and here plus I have a 3rd, follow-up post planned. This is another thing I would love to tell every pregnant woman about. I think that a lot of people (I used to be one of them) think that it is too expensive, time consuming and/or gross to cloth diaper. But, cloth diapering has come a long, long way since our parents and grandparents' generations, and it's easier than ever to cloth diaper your baby. You save a ton of money and it's better for the environment. Win-win. :) I know mommas of twins that cloth diaper, working moms, and stay at home moms that use cloth. I truly believe that every woman could do it if she wants to. There are options for every price point and there are even hybrid options that have disposable liners with a reusable shell. I plan on using cloth diapers on all subsequent babies, and would recommend it to everyone.
Lastly, don't get overwhelmed by trying to listen to and follow every piece of advice you are given. Your lifestyle as well as the type of birth you want will likely dictate whose/what kind of advice you seek out. When you're pregnant, strangers come up to you and give you lots of "advice". It's as though your growing belly is a beacon that attracts all busy bodies and know-it-alls. I had one old lady come up to me and say "I hope you're not having a boy! Boys are horrible! All they do is grow up and leave you!" What was I supposed to say? "Actually I am having a boy. Thanks a lot, jerk!" Instead I just said "ok" and walked away. Some people. Sheesh! If someone says something you don't like or want to hear ignore it. Try not to let it bother you. Sometimes someone will say something and it will make you think or inspire you to go home and research more about what they are saying. Whatever you do, don't forget to relax and enjoy being pregnant. It's only a short amount of time and you may even miss it when it's gone (I did). Pregnancy is a wonderful, exciting time in a woman's life, enjoy yourself and try not to get caught up on the little things.
Peace & love to all you beautiful mommas!
