Things have changed a lot over that past fews months. I came home from Kenya and slowly got back to a "normal" life. Anthony and I had talked about having kids before we ever got married. Going to Kenya was the last thing I wanted to do before starting a family. For Anthony, being done with nursing school before the baby arrived was a priority (and I agreed). So, we did the math and figured out when to start trying in order to have the baby after he graduates; which will be in May. I had been researching the logistics of getting pregnant (well, except from the obvious work required) such as charting your period and fertile days, and using ovulation predictor tests. We firgured that we waited long enough to start trying and we wanted to give ourselves the best shot of getting pregnant once we decided to start trying. We had read that it could take a healthy couple a year to get pregnant, so we decided to start trying a month early to give ourselves a head start. Well, surprise! I got pregnant the first month of trying. Which, meant I would be due in April- a month before Anthony graduates. I honestly didn't think that would ever happen; that we would be lucky enough to have such success early on.
I was so sure that I wasn't pregnant that I decided to take a pregnancy test before Anthony got home from school. I figured that way I would have time to process the negative result by myself before he got home. Well, I was absolutely shocked when the digital test read positive. I just stared at it and myself in the bathroom mirror. When Anthony got home I gave him the test. He looks at it and says "that only looks like one line" (meaning a negative test). He didn't even see that it actually said positive. I told him that it was a digital test not one of the ones with the double or single lines. "It says positive!", I said. He just looked at me. We were so excited and definitely shocked! I took a few more tests over the next few days and when they were also positive I called the midwife group I had researched and told them I needed an appointment. And so, our adventure began.
Little did we know that we would have several curve balls thrown at us over the next few months. There have been times where the life growing inside of me and my strong marriage seemed to be the only positive things in my life. Everything else just seemed so hard. The day I found out I was pregnant I found out that I got a nanny job I had interviewed for a week prior. Great news! Well, after just one week of working for this (flakey) family I was let go; the mother said that she wanted a family member to look after the kids and that she hoped she "didn't mess anything up for me". Riiiight, lady. So now, I was newly pregnant and unemployed. "Who hires a pregnant lady?", I thought. "Perfect timing" and "now what am I going to do?", also ran through my mind on a daily (sometimes hourly) basis. I eventually found a new, part-time job, and kept looking for something full time. All the while I kept getting bigger and knew that I wouldn't be able to hide this pregnancy forever. I felt immense pressure (from myself not Anthony) to find something full time and find it fast. Meanwhile we decided that we needed to move to a bigger, nicer place before this baby came. After a long, hard search we finally found a place we loved and cost less than $1,000 a month (who the eff pays $1,000+ for a two bedroom apartment in this area?!) and moved in November. We had money from our student loan refunds and figured we could make it stretch until I found something that actually paid the bills. I have been lucky enough to have been employed pretty much since graduating, and was pretty naive about the whole job searching process. The money ran out before I found anything full time, and we were majorly struggling to pay the rent. I ended up finding a better job and was told that I could give me two weeks notice to my other job. Well, I there ended up being a 2-3 week gap in between quitting one job and starting the other. Then Anthony's car died. It was like we couldn't win. But, thanks to our amazing families, we have been able to make ends meet. But, it has certainly been tough. We both HATE having to rely on others financially, and every time we have to ask for money it gets harder.
This has been a time of growth for us. We have learned so much through our trials. We have learned what we need versus what we want. We have cut back on just about everything we can cut back on, and are still struggling. We have grown closer as a couple, and now appreciate each other and what we have more than ever. We realize it could be so much worse. And, I know we will look back on this time and laugh. I just keep telling myself that it WILL get better eventually. "This is only temporary" has become my mantra. There have been many times when I have thought "this isn't fair! We were responsible, we waited to get pregnant until we were ready. Why is this happening to us?". I thought that had I known we were going to go through all these trials we would have waited to get pregnant. But, you know what? I learned that none of that negative thinking is productive. It gets you no where. I have come to realize that everything happens for a reason. And I know that things will get better once we get this semester's student loan refunds and when Anthony graduates and is getting paid at least double what he is making now. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. And, I have a feeling that when this little boy gets here I am going to have absolutely no regrets about trying to get pregnant when we did. I just can't wait to stare at him and think "this is what we've been working so hard for".
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